Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just gargled with NyQuil
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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