My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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