Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize