I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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