listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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