Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You took a bar mat shot.
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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