I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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