Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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