its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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