I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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