i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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