i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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