I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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