and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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