based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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