I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize