If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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