I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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