yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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