hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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