u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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