My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
false alarm, still single
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