I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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