I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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