Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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