I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize