the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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