I molested 6 butterflies tonight
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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