what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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