I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
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I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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