life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize