Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize