What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize