I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize