dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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