Where are you?
In a non slutty way
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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