Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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