we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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