I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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