Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize