Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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