Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize