I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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