theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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