happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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