im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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