so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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