she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
farters have to be the big spoon...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize