She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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