she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize